(Full disclosure – I had to post this picture, one of Mikalyn’s best day ever)
It happened again this Sunday. I really didn’t plan to do it, but as I was preaching, I did it again. I can’t believe I did it again. One of our members at Center has suggested that every time I do this, I must give my daughter money. If that were true, I would owe my daughter close to $500 right now. That’s right, I used her in my sermon again.
So goes the life of a PK, or preacher/pastor’s kid. It happened to me and I do it to Mikalyn. Honestly, I really shouldn’t. Just like every PK, Mikalyn has enough on her just trying to be who God made her to be and to walk in what God is calling her to do and not living under any fear of what others may think or what she might do again for daddy to use in a sermon.
I really do mean it in a good way, but the more I have thought about life and ministry over the last month or so, there is still so much I need to do to make sure that the only expectation Mikalyn feels is found in the loving arms of her Savior and that is to simply love Him, which I am so grateful she does.
Being a PK is not an easy life. You grow up in a fishbowl and if you live in a community long enough, everybody knows you, even if you don’t know them. And, if you are daughter of a preacher/pastor, it seems to be a little harder thanks to movies and T.V (cue the Footloose music about right now).
Not to mention if your dad is known in the community and happens to be known in the school, there is a good chance many of the boys that might ask your daughter out, shy away because after all, she is your daughter. Just saying, for a friend.
Now, Mikalyn, true to the person she is, has never once said a word about these things or once complained. She really is a blessing to her mother and I and a truly amazing young woman! Thanks in large part to an amazing mama and a wonderful church!
But it does not dismiss the fact that expectations and stereotypes exist. I like what Charlsley Carey says in her article about being a pastor’s daughter, “If the Lifetime Movie Network is good for anything, it’s definitely making preachers’ kids look like insane psychopaths whose favorite hobbies include skipping church, smoking, and murdering innocent people. Either that, or from the show “Preacher’s Daughters,” it makes us look like potheads who love to go from one potential lover to the next. Either way, entertainment media has it totally wrong. Newsflash: preachers’ kids are just as average, and just as boring, as a doctor’s kids, a flight attendant’s kids, a teacher’s kids, or even a construction worker’s kids.
Notice that last part – they are kids just like any other child growing up in their parents’ home. They did not ask for this calling on their life, many of them, were born into it.
In his book, The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity, Barnabas Piper speaks of the stereotypes often associated with pastor’s kids. He explains how they are typically left between a rock and a hard place, between being considered rebels or being overly legalistic which leads to identity issues and scrutiny. People tend to (often unfairly) project these expectations on children of pastors.
Now, being a pastor’s kid myself and seeking to raise a pastor’s kid, I do not want to cast a terrible light on this life. I will admit and I think Mikalyn would say the same, there are disadvantages but there are also advantages. For our family growing up and I know for Mikalyn, her “family” has always been larger than most. She has a whole church family.
By that I mean, there have been those people in our lives that were like grandparents to her and sisters and brothers to her. She has known wonderful relationships. She has been able to experience the joy of seeing people saved and helping those who were less fortunate.
Growing up, this was a two-sided coin. I would not take anything for the friendships I had within our larger church families. But it was always hard when God would call daddy to a new church and we would have to start all over again. But we did, and I made new friends.
By God’s grace and favor, we have been able to be at Center Baptist for over 15 years now so the majority of Mikalyn growing up (she was 4 years old when we came), she has been able to be at one church. I thank God for that. And I thank God for our loving church family that has loved her, encouraged her, ministered to her and been there for her just like her own blood family! Thank you, Center Baptist!
Having said all of this, and knowing that I just by writing this, I will owe Mikalyn more money, I want to take some time during this Pastor Appreciation month to honor her and those that live the life she does as a PK and not forget that as churches honor their pastor and wives, make sure we honor those who live in the same house and walk thru the same journey.
I truly thank God for Mikalyn Wilkes, she has made her mama and I very proud of the young women she is and is becoming. She is truly a gift to her mama and I as God heard our prayers, saw our faith and fulfilled a promise made in a nursery two years before she was born after the Dr’s said it would never happen.
All through this journey Mikalyn has taken this life as a pastor’s kid in stride and with grace. Often when she was in elementary school, going to visit shut ins and going to the hospital with me. They loved her and I loved watching her with them. Those were precious times!
Then as she got older, it would be the times coming home from hospital visits when we would stop by Laurel Park just off 129 and I would “let her drive”. Don’t worry, it was not on the main road! What I loved most were the conversations about life and just hanging out. She never complained and still doesn’t even this summer when she went with me to hospital several times. Of course, now, she does request lunch afterwards at Chicken Salad Chic!
As I sit here and right this, I really cannot believe she is now almost 20 years old and by God’s grace is growing up into an amazing young woman, going to college, working and impressing me and her mama every day. She brings laughter, joy and blessing to our lives. Now, don’t get me wrong, we have our moments. After all, we live in the real world like everyone else.
Angels are not playing harps over our head while they spread pixy dust over our halos. Life gets messy for us, just like everyone. We live in the real world and face real life issues. I have watched Mikalyn cling to her faith and run to God as she has walked through some difficult days. Not because she is a pastor’s child or kid, but because she is a child of Jesus and she has learned to run to him and lean into him. I am so grateful for that.
And by God’s grace, through it all, the good and the bad of living in a pastor’s home, watching me and her mama go through life and ministry, Mikalyn has not only stayed in church, she is serving and thriving. I give God praise and thank Him for His grace. Mikalyn has a heart for the Lord and a heart for others mixed in with a little bit of southern sass and “if you don’t want to know, don’t ask me” attitude at times, but I would not have it any other way.
I do say a lot about my family when I preach. But, other than Jesus, my family is my life. One day, I may not be the pastor of a church or be able to preach again. Who knows? I pray the Lord allows me to be at Center the rest of my life. I thank God for them. But the truth is, no matter what happens, I will always be Courtney’s husband and Mikalyn’s dad. And that means the world to me.
So, this month, as our church and many within our church have honored me as their pastor and I pray the same is true for all the pastors, I want to honor my family (a previous post about my superhero wife) and say I thank God for them.
Mikalyn Wilkes, I want to honor you as not just a pastor’s kid but as my kid. I know Mikalyn, you are often called, or people say – O, you are Michael’s daughter. But for me, what I am most proud to be called is simply this – I am proud to be called Mikalyn’s dad. Love you Mik Mik, thank you for loving Jesus, loving us and loving others. Thank you for being who you are and for the joy you bring in our life! God is at work in your life and I am grateful to have a front row seat.
Take some time this week and honor your pastor’s family, especially his kids. You will touch your pastor’s heart in way you could never imagine.
And by the way, Mikalyn. The money is in the mail!
Pastor Michael
centerbcpastor 